We all have those ‘Woe is me’ days, when it really feels like the world is against us, everyone is out to get us, and no matter what we do, nothing goes right. I have found throughout life that it is possible to get stuck in the victim mindset when every day is worse than the last. Once you go from ‘Woe is me’ days, to ‘Woe is me’ weeks and months, getting out of it is hard. So ‘How can I stop being a victim in life?’ I am so glad you asked!
Recognize You Are Living as a Martyr
With any habit or rut you get stuck in, the first step to finding your way out is admitting you have a problem. Much like the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps, stopping being a victim begins with recognizing you have a martyr side that is taking over. Pay attention to the damage the mindset of martyrdom is causing, how bad you feel, and really see the destruction it may be causing to the relationships you hold dear.
Forgiving Others Brings Peace
My therapist once told me, ‘Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.’ I found that pretty darn profound; I later read it in a book, so although it wasn’t an original thought by my therapist, it is still a good saying to live by. The only one being hurt by the hate and anger we feel toward others is us. When you hold grudges toward others, your joy and success in life is diminished.
Forgive Yourself Along with Others
Unfortunately, we tend to accept the labels others put on us and start acting the part. If a child is told, ‘You’re never going to amount to anything,’ they will probably achieve nothing, or go out of their way to amount to nothing. Letting go of the labels we’ve had placed on us is hard, but it can change your life and its direction. By forgiving yourself, you remove the limited thinking that a label has placed on you and, instead, set a new path that has positive outcomes.
Meditation and Prayer Go a Long Way
Studies have shown that feeling like a terminal victim is fueled many times by fear. If things did go right, how would I react? I know how to deal with misery, but happiness is something I have no clue how to deal with. Some people find peace and connection in meditation, but personally, I get clarity and direction through prayer and spending time with God, seeking His will and direction for my life. When you feel you are not alone and that every step forward or step back has a purpose, you will begin retaking control of your life.
Rein in Your Mood
It may sound simplistic, but when you feel good, you do good; when you feel down on yourself and feel bad, you do bad. I try to begin and end each day with gratitude. Often we get so caught up in ‘asking’ for things that we forget to ‘be thankful’ for what we do have. Prayer is a great way to not only connect to something bigger than yourself, but to focus on the many blessings in your life. I have also found that helping others helps you to see past your limited view of all the ‘wrongs’ in your life. Knowing that you have the power to step up and help someone else during their trying times is so very rewarding.
Focus on What You Repeat to Yourself
Just like in the beginning of this discussion, the things we say to ourselves make a difference, whether you are 7 years old or 107. Try telling yourself ‘I am not a victim of my past and my future and my life is what I choose it to be from this minute right now!’ The only thing worse than being a victim for 5 years, is being a victim for 5 years and one day!
Put Action Behind Your Thoughts
You can repeat a positive mantra to yourself all day, but without action, you will never see the fruits of changing your life. The results of your life are a product of the thoughts you think, the decisions you make, and the actions taken to make those decisions a reality. By taking these steps, you take control over your present and future, taking the chance to be a victim out of the equation and making your life the one you want!
