I’ll bet that you probably have thoughts like these many times a day:

Wow, she has great hair.

I admire how he manages to get to the gym so often.

Mrs. Kane is just the nicest teacher!

Trish is such a thoughtful friend.

I know that I do. But, we humans tend to keep our kind, appreciative thoughts about others to ourselves. They’re just part of that ongoing chatter in our brains that resides with millions of other daily thoughts. And yet, the impact of our compliments can be quite profound. If you’ve ever received an out-of-the-blue email or a letter in the mail from someone telling you how much a quality of yours, or an action you took impacted them, you know exactly the feeling. It’s one of those “Wow, I never knew how much that meant to her” moments. Or, in the workplace, if you’ve engaged in a teambuilding activity where you anonymously write down something you admire and respect about each of your co-workers, you know how powerful that type of feedback is.

When we take those few seconds to put into words what we notice and value about someone, we:

• Remind them that they are both recognized and appreciated – they’re not “invisible”
• Hold up a positive mirror for them – which impacts self-esteem and self-worth
• Reinforce the expression of the quality or behavior you admire
• Counter some of the “negative” things they may believe about themselves
• Spread good energy and a little more “happy” into their day
• Enhance the bond that we have with them
• Increase the tendency to cooperate and collaborate with one another

And how about the fact that when we compliment someone, it makes both of us feel so darn good?

We all share the basic human need to feel appreciated, and we can learn to take those random, appreciative thoughts and turn them into compliments. Here’s how:

1. Look for the good. Challenge yourself to shift from noticing the negatives by actively and attentively looking for the positives in others.
2. Pay heed to those random thoughts. When that reel of compliments starts to play in your brain, take action!
3. Be specific with your words. Tell that person what it is that you appreciate or admire about them. Don’t leave it at “That was awesome.” Make it “Your support was awesome. Thank you!”
4. Ditch the fake compliments. Most of us can sniff out the phony, so don’t demean yourself or waste your breath.

While healthy relationships thrive on mutual appreciation, we can sometimes fall into the habit of nitpicking the negative with those closest to us. You know what I mean. When that’s the case, we unintentionally chip away at the good in them and in the connection we share. We can turn that negative trend around by noticing, then expressing, three sincere compliments a day. For example, I might say to my dear husband:

You did such a good job cleaning that roller on the vacuum. Thanks!

I really appreciated that bowl of popcorn you brought me last night.

I admire the fact that you don’t complain about taking all of those medications.

Gratitude, appreciation, admiration…all sincere!

World Compliment Day is March 1^st. Why not commit to complimenting at least three people that day, then see how many subsequent days you can do the same? Personally, when I’m feeling a little down, complimenting others reminds me that there is so much to celebrate about our fellow humans and plenty of good that I can reflect back to them. Here’s one:

A shout out to the entire staff of Forsyth Magazines who generously express their appreciation for writers like me. Your inspiration keeps my fingers on the keyboard each month!

Callout box: Scientists have found that being paid a compliment “actually lights up the same parts of your brain that get activated when you get paid a monetary award.”