It was early May 2019 when I texted my sister in Connecticut:
I’ll be flying in next month!
What?
Yeah, there’s a mini work conference I was just asked to attend.
I arrived on a beautiful early summer day in my spray-tanned legs, my newly highlighted hair and my heartfelt enthusiasm for seeing my co-workers again. We were a small team, and a handful of us worked remotely, so it had the best makings of a joyful reunion. As I entered the lobby of the hotel in advance of the opening session, I noticed “T” at the far end of the room. “JEAN MARIE,” his voice boomed. The next thing I knew, I was encased in his signature bear hug and twirled off of my feet by this big-hearted man. It felt so good to be back with the wise and warm community that this leader, T, had nurtured!
I didn’t know then that this would be the last time I’d see T in person, or even observe him standing on his own two feet. Within about a year, a Zoom call and a company change-of-hands would confirm that T had entered the devastating mystery that is ALS.
I couldn’t attend the funeral, a few short years later, but I did watch it online, blurry eyed with a river of tears stimulated by fond remembrance. I wrote a long letter to his grieving and loyal wife of 37 years, and then sat with my own grief and gratitude for the years I spent observing, learning with and learning from this incredible man.
T was many things in this life – a husband, father, grandfather, company president, university professor, church leader and friend. But working with him and having the honor of being his primary ghostwriter, I also knew that T was a humble and devout seeker of divine wisdom. He didn’t talk about it. He never preached. He simply lived a principled life. A life from which I have culled these leadership lessons:
- Lead yourself. You have the gift and the burden of personal responsibility. So, have that talk in the mirror, grapple with your values and establish your grounding for who and how you will be in this life.
- Live every moment with intention and heart. Work on not allowing your “stuff” to get in your way. Be the living example of what is best in you and bring that to everyone, in everything.
- Hold yourself and others accountable…while withholding judgment. Know that you will falter, you will fall short of your best self now and then. Own it, learn from it, move on from it. Extend the same grace to others.
- Mind your words, mind your words, mind your words. Your words have the power to wound and to heal, and their impact can be profound. They can represent or misrepresent what is best in you. Master the discipline of intentional, thoughtful speech – regardless of the medium.
- Listen from the depths of your being. There is no greater gift than to bear witness to another human being; doing so creates a space for mutual vulnerability, authenticity and deep connection. Bearing witness is both rare and sacred.
- Discover what is best in others. Everyone has a persona that helps them get by, so don’t take them at face value. Look for their best, shine a light on it and be generous in your appreciation.
- Relationships matter more than ANYTHING else. You will never regret words or actions expressed in the spirit of compassion, generosity and love because they’re the symbolic bear hug that creates the human covenant, the one that sustains each of us, on every step of this human journey.
Thank you, T, for being a shining light for so many, for humbly demonstrating that to lead is to live by example. You live on in the lessons you’ve left us. Peace be with you, my friend.
