The Graduate Teaching Assistant

My first year away at college, one of the classes I was taking was partially taught by a graduate teaching assistant who was in his mid-30s and relatively attractive. He started showing an interest in me, even though he was contractually not allowed to fraternize with students. At 19, I was extremely naive and was infatuated with the fact that someone in graduate school who was originally from San Diego and seemed so cool was giving me crumbs of attention. I was obsessed with reality TV and asked him if he knew the cast of Laguna Beach, since he was from California (bless my young, inexperienced heart). Naturally, he lied and said he had met a few of them, making me even more intrigued. I told him numerous times that I didn’t drink because I was underage and that I was also not interested in a casual hookup. He reassured me that he wanted me to come hang out with him in his apartment solely to “get to know me.” I arrived at his apartment to see about 30 family photos laid out on his kitchen counter, of which he went through and named all of his family members over the span of about five minutes. Immediately after that, he asked me to play a drinking game and tried to make out with me. I also wish I could say that I stood up for myself adequately that night, but the story sadly took a dark turn, and only became worse throughout the remainder of the semester. He continued on to get his Ph.D., and is now a professor at a well-known university. I probably should have reported him so that he would have been removed as a graduate teaching assistant to avoid this happening to other young women, but I was too afraid and ashamed at the time, and felt partially responsible for being in the situation in the first place. This story might provide a bit of context as to why I later went on to have so many horrendous dating experiences that I can now (mostly) laugh and write about.

Delayed Puberty

When I was a junior in college, I started seeing a man who I thought was 26 or 27 at the most, because he looked quite young and was also a college student and worked in my college gym. After a few dates, I got curious, Googled him, and found out that he was indeed 38 years old. I wish I could say that this is when I stopped seeing him, but it was not. He told me he was also not over his ex-girlfriend who left him because he lied to her about having a career as a teacher. Things inevitably crashed and burned, and I am ashamed to say that it wasn’t even my choice to end things. His excuse for looking so young at 38? Delayed puberty.

Halloween Party

Very early on in a “situationship” I found myself in with someone I met at a part-time job in college, the guy invited me to a Halloween party he and his neighbors were throwing. A few days later, he revoked the invitation because there would be “too many people going already.” A couple of weeks later, I find out that he has been arrested on charges of statutory rape that allegedly occurred on the night of the party. I like to think of this as divine intervention. The trial lasted around two years and he was eventually acquitted. The real kicker? He had a girlfriend the entire time who lived in a different city that he overtly lied to me about as well.

Jaded Bartender

When I lived in Downtown Durham in my mid-twenties, I spent nearly two years sitting at a local bar on Saturday nights pining after a bartender. He told me he was struggling after being fined for tax evasion, that he ruined the best relationship of his life by “leaving town,” and explicitly told me that he doesn’t like to go on dates, but would make an exception for me. He initiated plans and canceled twice before his best friend accidentally spilled the beans that the guy actually wasn’t that interested. After all of this, I still dolled myself up every weekend to sit at the bar and hope he would finally come to his senses and realize that we were meant to be. He never did. To make matters worse, I also tried to make him jealous by bringing other men to the bar while he was working and flirting with them in front of him. My efforts were futile and if I could go back in time and slap some self-worth and dignity into myself, I absolutely would.