Conversations with My BFF: Why Do I Keep Falling for Bad Boys?


A very good friend of mine once said, “A woman will walk right past a ‘good guy’ for one that’s a ….” you fill in the blank with three words, but I think you get the idea. So are women actually attracted to bad boys and dump nice guys for them? Why would we do that? I’m glad you asked.

The Ideal Bad Boy

As women, we get many of our ideas of the opposite sex from movies. Back in the 1950s, James Dean was the bad boy, the rebel with a dark side, drawing women to him. Over the years, the bad boy image progressed with movies like Grease, Dirty Dancing, Twilight,and Crazy, Stupid Love, convincing women everywhere that you could easily turn a bad boy good with a little patience and love. OK, step out of movie land and into reality because you can really get hurt and invest far too much time with a bad boy.

Why We Are Drawn to the Bad Boy?

Bad boys have the reputation and look that women are often drawn to: hot, scruffy, good-looking, arrogant, inconsiderate and inattentive; yet women flock to them. If you think about it, these are characteristics that we’d never accept in a friend, yet we will bend over backward to keep a man who really isn’t into anyone but himself. So what motivates us to chase these guys to the ends of the earth? Are we just trying to attain the unattainable? Are we challenged to make him fall in love and ‘capture’ the guy no one else has been able to?

Believe it or not, there’s a lot of research on this topic, and certain patterns have been detected in women who will fall all over themselves to get a guy who really shows little to no interest in them.

While some women are attracted to the elusive bad boy due to unresolved issues with their father, a topic that is very in-depth, let’s focus on other possible reasons for the pull bad boys have.

Narcissism is a trait overwhelmingly found in bad boys. They exude an abundance of self-confidence, entitlement, and are good at starting relationships, but not staying in them. It’s that sense of strength that they give off that lures us in. Bad boys are also psychopaths displaying a lack of empathy, yet displaying superficial charm that is often short-lived. As women, we love the challenge of taking a bad boy who has never been tamed and making him love only us. Once again, that only happens in the movies, so think more of yourself and realize the value and worth you bring to a relationship, and expect more than you’ve been settling for in the past. If you know the traits to look for, you can steer clear of bad boys, knowing the end will not be what you want.

With all that said, for women who are attracted to bad boys, if you are tired of being treated badly, then stop succumbing to the superficial pull of the bad boy who doesn’t adore you, doesn’t make you a priority, and doesn’t want a future with you, and start focusing on opening your heart to a good guy who will not just treat you right, but amazingly well. With a bad boy, you are accepting the crumbs of his time, emotion and energy because no matter what you think, you, my friend, are an afterthought. Waiting for the next nibble of the crumbs that he throws your way is not what you deserve. Go for the good guy and leave the bad boy for your own good.

I recently read the following statement online: “While the saying is ‘good guys finish last,’ women need to realize that good guys don’t finish last…they just make sure the woman comes first.” Isn’t this what you really want? Being made a priority is a good feeling once you have it and you won’t want to go back to sitting on the back burner.


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