We’re all familiar with the phrase “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” We’ve headed down that path more than a few times – especially in our conversations with others. We mean well and lean strongly on what we know and what we think we know, but that’s where the disconnects take root. Instead, we need to acknowledge our ignorance. I know that word is loaded. Who wants to call himself or herself ignorant? But, when it comes to understanding someone else, that is the best and most honest place to start.  

The Positive Side of Ignorance

While ignorance generally gets a bad rap, it’s helpful to understand its neutral meaning: “a lack of knowledge or information.” That’s it. It’s not a bad or negative thing; it’s more like a blank slate waiting to be filled in. A friend recounted a recent sales experience at a brick and mortar beauty products store:

“I went in looking for a little pick-me-up…a new shade of lipstick that would – I admit – detract attention from my undeniably aging skin. As I entered, I was greeted by a very friendly sales associate who I thought was eager to help, who would understand the nagging self-doubt that lay just below the surface of my innocuous ‘I’m looking for a new lipstick…’ I was wrong. That girl wanted to sell, big time. Faster than I could bat a wimpy eyelash, she was parading every nuanced option available on the color palette. My head was spinning, and I walked out of there sans lipstick.”

My friend speaks the truth. In all likelihood, she might have purchased three lipsticks had the sales associate taken the time to approach her with the self-discipline that would suggest she knows a thing or two about customers, about human beings. Imagine how this could have gone if she had reeled in her ego and cooled her jets on getting a quick sale. She might have approached my friend with the awareness that she doesn’t know this customer’s needs and certainly hasn’t a clue about her wants.  

Ignorance is Courage, Plain and Simple

I’ll grant you, this takes courage. But, isn’t that what understanding someone is really all about? I’m sure you can think of a slew of questions this sales associate might have asked my friend, questions that would have built rapport, trust and insight into what she was really looking for – a little ego boost in the form of a lipstick tube and a sales associate who gets it. What was lost here was the opportunity to build a relationship upon which countless future wants and needs might have been fulfilled.  

Okay, I don’t mean to rag on sales associates; I’m using this real-life example to illustrate how we sometimes lunge headlong into assuming we understand another person before we’ve really listened to them. That “other person” of course, could be our partner, our child, even our BFF.

Putting Ignorance into Practice

My stepson called the other day. I thought it might be about a pressing matter that had been unfolding for a couple of months. While that turned out to be accurate, I sensed that this wasn’t the time to share my “helpful” ideas with him. Instead, I needed to:

• Zip it
• Listen First 
• Ask Some Exploratory Questions

This would help me to understand where he was and how I could help based on that understanding. I’m glad that I caught myself, because at the end of our 40-minute call, he said: “Thanks, Jean. I just needed to hear myself talk to get clear on this. All I could think of was ‘Thank you, God, for allowing me to embrace ignorance, to suspend my knowing and to remember the power of two good listening ears and a zipped mouth!’ Maybe ignorance is indeed bliss after all.