Trust Begins with You
In a partnership, a friendship or a work team, trust develops when individuals consistently act in trustworthy ways.
In the words of author Marsha Sinetar, “Trust is not a matter of technique, but of character; we are trusted because of our way of being, not because of our polished exteriors or our expertly crafted communications.” She’s right, because trust is built on sincere intentions and sincere actions.
As you consider how you can speak and act in ways that build trust, notice how much the following actions are rooted in character:
Start Within: Own Your Feelings
When you find that you feel strongly about something or that your buttons just got pushed, take an emotional time out. Identify and acknowledge what you are feeling, then pause to consider what, if anything, you will do. If you are really upset with the actions of a co-worker, instead of going on the offensive with “attack and blame,” consider cooling off, then approaching that person with an invitation to talk, explore and understand.
Own Your Mistakes
This may be hard for you if you are in the habit of thinking that making a mistake is a blanket reflection of your competence. It’s not; and only you see it that way. Instead of hiding, diminishing or pointing the finger elsewhere, learn to say, “my error.” That’s something your co-workers can respect. That’s something that builds trust.
Tell the Truth
Honesty, openness and the sharing of information are your ticket to trust. A person who holds back or distorts information quickly earns a reputation as someone who can’t be trusted. Sharing work-related information demonstrates that you are truly a team player.
Be Willing to Say “I’m Sorry” and “I Apologize”
When you use one of these pure and simple phrases, you not only take ownership; you demonstrate that you acknowledge and accept responsibility for the impact on the person or situation, as well.
Incorporate “I Want to Understand”
One of the most effective ways to show a co-worker the kind of consideration and respect that builds trust is to be willing to explore where they are coming from and why. Remind yourself that they live in their little world of I and you live in yours. Open your mind and your heart, and be willing to see what things look like from “over there.”
Be Willing to Say “I Don’t Understand”
This phrase is a companion to “I want to understand.” It efficiently allows you to focus conversation on clarifying. Remember, as with empathy, you do not have to agree with how the other person sees things; you simply need to understand it if you want to build trust.
Look for Mutual Gain
Expand your awareness to consistently consider what the other person needs, wants or what is important to him or her. Demonstrate that it’s not all about you by factoring in the other person as much as you do yourself.
Keep Your Word
Your word is your covenant. Do what you say you will. And, if you can’t, or if you don’t – for whatever reason – go back, own up, apologize and reset the expectation.
These behaviors may challenge your character; I know that a few have challenged mine over the course of my career. It’s worth working on them because, when you master them, you will build trust – or more trust – with your co-workers. You will experience a workplace where you feel “lighter,” less stressed and cautious, because you have mindfully cultivated trusting relationships. And, you will learn one invaluable lesson of a lifetime – that the very first person you can trust is yourself.
