The Five Types of People You Meet at the Movie Theater

The Indecisive Couple

You’ve purchased your movie ticket at the window outside the theater and are looking to grab a Diet Coke to sip on throughout the movie at the concessions stand. You stand in line behind a seemingly nice couple, who are having a difficult time deciding what to order – although there aren’t that many options in the first place. The husband wants a large popcorn, but the wife thinks that’s “too much” and wants “light butter,” much to the husband’s chagrin. While the happily married couple thinks it’s cute to the concessions employees and people waiting behind them that they are having a playful argument over a simple popcorn combo, you’re less than amused. Their antics are cutting into the possibility of getting the very last row in the theater to yourself, as more and more people pile into the building.

The Clinger

When you’ve finally purchased your Diet Coke, you are relieved to find that no one has inhabited the row in the very back of the theater. Because you’re considerate and crippled by social anxiety and the thought of having to squeeze past someone to run to the restroom mid-movie, you choose an end seat for easy aisle access. A few minutes after you’ve gotten comfortable, you’re relieved to find that not many others are actually going to be joining you for the movie, as there are many open seats. As soon as you begin to relax, a family with two small children walks through the doors and decides to sit in the seats directly in front of you. Why, out of all the open seats in the theater, did this family want to sit so closely to you? Do they not understand that you don’t want to stare at their second grader’s hairbow during the movie? Would it be rude if you discreetly moved down a couple of seats?

The Late Arrivals

Life isn’t fair, so you decide to accept your fate as sitting behind a potentially noisy family throughout the movie and seek solace in your Diet Coke. You’ve made it past the previews and are about 10 minutes into the movie when another family comes straggling through the loud theater doors and distracts everyone as they try to decide on a seat in the dark. Fortunately, they decided to sit nowhere near you – unlike the family in front of you with no concept of personal space.

The Talkers

As the movie starts getting good, the children in front of you are starting to get restless (which you predicted). They begin asking their parents questions and are quickly losing their ability to sit still. This isn’t even a children’s movie, you think to yourself. You hold in your frustration for as long as possible, even as the children leave dirt on the seats in front of them by kicking and rubbing their dusty shoes all over them. And for the parents? They don’t seem to mind at all. How dare they find their own children endearing? Why did they have to buy their children candy with the crinkliest wrappers? Boldly, you let out an audible sigh, hoping the parents will catch on. Your sigh falls on deaf ears, however, and you are left to stew in silence in the back of the theater.

The Exit Stampede

The movie is coming to a close as you hear people packing up their belongings before the closing credits roll across the screen. Since you’re not in any hurry, you don’t mind waiting until the movie actually ends before making noise and gathering your things. Almost immediately after the closing credits begin, families race to the exit and leave their empty popcorn bags and drinking cups in their seats for a poor theater employee to clean up before the next showing. You can’t figure out why everyone is in such a rush to leave the theater. Was the movie that bad? Even the family in front of you couldn’t wait to leave. As for you, you’re content sitting in the back row until the theater has cleared out and you can exit the doors in peace.


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