Many of us live in a world of “How fast can you go?” We equate faster with better because it means that we can do more, more, more. That is often true, but oh, there are tradeoffs. When “fast” becomes our tip of the tongue mantra and our go-to mode, the experiences that can and should be enjoyable and comforting become mere chores to check off that seemingly self-propagating list:
The thrown together, gobbled down meal fails to satisfy.
The benefits of that abbreviated yoga barely suffice.
The cut-short evening walk stresses instead of decompresses.
The “nice” at-home facial, laid on “slap-dash” fails to deliver.
You know what I mean. Substitute these examples with your own, and you begin to see how go, go, go and fast, fast, fast may be depleting your joy.
Beyond specific activities, we may also rush through each day as if collapsing in bed and starting over to do all that and more the next day is the point. I think of it as the “Tyranny of Shoulds” which is exemplified by the proverbial “To Do” list, a race with time to complete, to check off, to finish, to say “I did it.”
When I look at this mindset rationally, I see how utterly limiting it is. It pains me to think about how many decades I’ve lived this way, to see that, while things get done, so much of the richness of my lived experience is squandered.
I’ve decided that I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to:
- have a healthier relationship with time and my to do list.
- see what my breakneck speed has prohibited me from noticing.
- cultivate a more engaged way of living each day.
I’ve had glimpses of what this is like. When I have allowed myself to relax into the moments and the chores, and the to-dos of the day, all kinds of unexpected things happen – observations, encounters, conversations and, yes, insights. Many insights. Whether you’re steeped in a career, managing motherhood or navigating the very different challenges of aging, slowing down may be key to adding more richness to your life. Here’s what I’m doing to help myself do so:
Practical Tips for Slowing Down
- Notice when your “go fast” mode is turned on.
You can’t change a behavior until you recognize it. Really listen to your self-talk. Do you tell yourself to rush and keep pushing, even when it’s not necessary? Don’t be a mean girl to yourself!
- Challenge your self-imposed “shoulds.”
I am the queen of this one! You can count on me to exhaustively list every single chore, task, call or action I “should” address at any moment of the day – or night! It’s a compulsive habit I developed in grade school for heaven’s sake. So, I just went for my second walk of the day and, while listening to my autopilot self-talk, decided that I would give myself more “me time” tomorrow. I’ll do that by removing three “shoulds” from my mental list. Honestly, the vacuuming can wait!
- Remind yourself that you control the On, Pause and Off switch.
You, you, you! After all, you made up this “Tyranny of Shoulds” in the first place. There are indeed times when going fast and checking off certain things really does matter, but there are many others that just don’t.
- Practice slowing down in the moment.
Okay, so you could have flicked the Off switch, or at least hit Pause, but you didn’t. Once you recognize that, take a breath and slow down. Your go, go, go, fast, fast, fast is a well-practiced behavior. So, “take it slow.” The more you practice it, the better you will get, and the more you will enjoy the precious moments and minutes that make up a life: yours!
