The hardest part about tough conversations is, well, they’re tough. Most of us avoid them for various reasons, such as:
- We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
- We fear the conflict that might arise.
- We’re unsure how to approach them effectively.
While difficult, these conversations are essential. They offer an opportunity for growth, improvement and resolution. So, how can we navigate these challenging discussions to achieve positive outcomes?
Building a Foundation of Trust
Start by establishing a foundation of trust and care with the other person. When someone trusts you and believes you have their best interests at heart, they’re more likely to receive difficult conversations positively.
Three Steps to Navigate Tough Conversations
Once you’ve built that foundation, you can use these three steps to navigate tough conversations effectively:
Step One: Check Yourself
Before diving in, ask yourself, “Is this a problem or just a preference?” and “How have I contributed to this situation?” If, after reflection, you determine the conversation is necessary, move on to step two.
Step Two: Prepare for the Conversation
Preparation is key. Clarify your goal for the conversation and maintain a positive mindset. The TOUGH framework can help:
- T – The purpose of this conversation is…
- O – One reason why this is important is…
- U – Help me Understand your perspective.
- G – Our common Goal is…
- H – How will we move forward?
Step Three: Execute the Conversation
Choose a private time for the conversation when you’re not angry or overly emotional. Then, follow these 10 tips to ensure the conversation goes as smoothly as possible:
- Prepare Yourself: Adjust your posture and take deep breaths beforehand to reduce stress.
- Use “I” Statements: Begin with phrases like “I noticed” or “I felt” to sound less accusatory and start on a positive note.
- Focus on Behavior, Not the Person: Address specific behaviors rather than labeling the person.
- Apply the TOUGH Framework: Use it as a guide to structure your conversation.
- Listen Actively: Make eye contact, use positive non-verbal cues, paraphrase, ask open ended questions and give your full attention.
- Watch Your Tone and Non-Verbal Cues: Remember, most communication is nonverbal – ensure your tone and body language match your message.
- Assume Positive Intent: Believe that the other person’s actions or words come from a place of goodwill rather than malice.
- Consider Their Perspective: Understand there are two sides to every situation. Try to see things from their point of view.
- Seek Common Ground: Identify and emphasize shared goals or values during the discussion.
- Use a Feedback Loop: Summarize the conversation at the end to ensure you’re both aligned.
These strategies should help you navigate tough conversations more effectively. If you’d like additional support, you can get a TOUGH Conversations worksheet to guide your discussions at influencehrconsulting.com/resources.
