Keeping It Real: Where Is The Love?


It’s February . . . with celebrations of love, right? So why is it that so many folks struggle to feel loved? How is it that we stand in crowded rooms, yet seem so alone?

I’ve discovered that people fighting to feel cherished come from every walk of life. I’ve met loners who rarely experience loneliness and those with relationships galore who continuously feel isolated.

I counsel married folks who want to be single and single folks that ache to be married. It’s as if everyone appears agitated with this thing called love. We desperately desire intimacy yet feel as if this innate longing is never completely satisfied. So where is the love?

Perhaps we’re looking for love in all the wrong places. Maybe we’re requiring more from folks than they are equipped to offer.

Certainly, life is sweeter when love is generously extended and received. In fact, our Designer created the craving for intimacy. It’s just that we often place conditions on others that prove unrealistic, even unfair. No individual can fill the hole in our soul that is uniquely created for the One who placed it there.

It’s amazing the distance God goes to convey His deep affection for you and me. He expresses this insatiable desire toward us throughout every page of His love letter.

God conveys how much He loves us (to death!), how deep this love plunges (It’s bottomless!), how long it lasts (It’s endless!), and how wide it extends (It’s boundless!).

Don’t you get it? You can’t measure God’s passion for you. It’s just not scale material!

If that’s not crazy enough, soak yourself in this reality for a minute. Jehovah’s irrepressible longing toward us never diminishes in spite of the stupid things we say or do. (Looking at my list, I just bet I’ve got you beat!)

Simply put, God’s heart hotly pursues us at every bend in the road, no matter how many wrong turns we take. He doesn’t walk away. He can’t bail. It’s just not in Him to do so. You see, God’s love is not contingent on our conduct but on His character. It’s not based on what we’ve done, but who He is.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get my mind wrapped around the unfathomable thought that God considers me irresistible. His affection is infinitely grander than my feeble awareness of it. But you know what throws my understanding into an even greater tailspin? Even more incomprehensible than “HOW could He love me,” for the life of me, I can’t comprehend “WHY.”

WHY does God love me? Isn’t it absolutely absurd to consider that this Magnificent Creator who holds the stars in the hollow of His hand desires to hold me? Quirky, temperamental me?  This Invincible Lover, who could have anything He wants, chooses to want me? He chooses to crave you? Let that thought marinate for a bit.

I don’t know your story but I just bet it looks an awful lot like mine. You’re loved and have been loved yet the deepest longings still persist. You’ve wrestled with loneliness regardless of significant relationships that surround you. You’ve wondered if you’re the weak link, feeling as if personal inadequacies cause these secret yearnings to go unmet.

It’s time to give your distorted mental scripts a rest. They embellish the lie that you’re not enough. They exaggerate the erroneous emotions of deficit and defeat.

You are treasured beyond your wildest dreams. You didn’t do anything to cause this love so you can’t do anything to un-cause it.

I make you this promise. If you abandon the futile search to fill the deepest hole with things that won’t ever fit and move in God’s direction, His love will come rushing in like a tidal wave of tenderness. It’s everything your heart’s been waiting for. It’s irresistible. It’s incomprehensible. It’s downright unstoppable. This love . . . it’s for YOU!

Oh, how I long to pursue the Greatest Love of my life with even a fraction of the desire that He pursues me. For comments or prayer, contact Dr. Lanier at


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