We’re all investors. We invest in things like:
Improving our health – physical, emotional and spiritual
Educating our minds
Building our nest egg
Developing great relationships
Establishing networks in our work and community
And on and on and on.
In fact, we’ve been active investors from the very beginning. Witness children learning to count on their fingers, students in study groups or young athletes bonding with their team. Through these many, varied and increasingly “nuanced” investments that bear fruit, we realize our own efficacy, our deserved place in things and the many contributions we make. It’s a good and necessary thing because it feeds something that is essential to well being throughout our lives: our self esteem.
Self esteem refers to a person’s overall sense of his or her value or worth.
As with my emotional, physical and spiritual self, I am responsible for my self esteem. Regardless of how it has been molded by my genetic predisposition, my upbringing and the full panoply of my experience, I own it. It’s MY self esteem. If the term itself feels a bit aloof or daunting, think of it as positive self regard, self confidence, self assurance or self respect. Then, choose to make a critical investment in it.
Five “T” Verbs For Investing In Your Self Esteem
Turn Kindness Inward
Many of us were taught to be kind to others, right? So, take that well-honed skill and turn it inward. It can be harder than it sounds if we are unconsciously in the habit of putting ourselves down, of seeing ourselves as “less than” or “not enough.” Which, in turn, may make us feel unworthy of our own kindness. Start with asking yourself: What makes ME happy? Write it down and remind yourself of these happiness stimulators. Then ask: What sweet gesture can I extend to myself? Put a hard STOP to the comparisons habit, and don’t forget that social media posts paint a selective picture of the lives of others. Consider embracing this mantra: I commit to treating myself with the same loving kindness that I extend to those I cherish.
Take Good Care
You already know what to do and where to turn for fresh input, but it can feel so daunting! Recently, I decided to focus on just one thing – sleep – which has never been my strong suit. But, by lovingly coaxing myself to close the book or pause the documentary, I am improving my sleep which makes me feel more alive, alert and triumphant. Yay, self esteem!
Tend to the Positive
Choose your mirror wisely. Think about all of the positive things you’ve heard from others, about you. No, not the perfunctory, obligatory ones. I’m talking about what the people who know and love the real you say about you. I have a couple of friends who have consistently told me how much they admire my inner strength and my ability to listen at a deep level. I value that feedback, which in turn helps me to value myself just a bit more.
Tap Into or Build Your Relationships and Networks
Most of us have a small, often diverse core group of people we hold close to our hearts. You know who they are. When I am struggling with a self esteem demon that is related to the past, I can (and do) turn to one of three women who are intimate with my story. We can speak shorthand, and they know how to help me reset my thinking. If I’m grappling with this business of aging, there are three other women I tap into who are there for me. And, when the going got really rough a few years back, there was short term therapy that helped me to process what was getting in the way of my self esteem. Trust that when you are there for others in ways that really count, they will be there for you.
Try Something New
It should be a no-brainer, but we tend to forget how important trying new things is to building and sustaining a healthy self esteem. So, think back to being a child or to your work portfolio or parenting changes and challenges. You did it, right? You have the ability at every age and at every stage to dip a toe in the water of the new and unfamiliar. It can be something really simple, like trying an online Tai Chi class or an exotic and unfamiliar recipe. That’s how you give your self esteem a boost.
Invest in your self esteem. YOU are worth it.
