The terrible pain of losing a loved one is something almost everyone experiences. No matter how imminent the death, nothing prepares us for the emotional rollercoaster that we will encounter.
The following stages of grief are widely recognized.
- Denial – This often involves feeling numb or even carrying on as if nothing has happened.
- Anger – You may feel anger towards the person who died, anger at yourself for things you did or didn’t do before the death or even anger towards God during this stage.
- Bargaining – When in pain, it’s sometimes hard to accept that there’s nothing you can do to change things. In this stage, you may find yourself going over and over things that happened in the past and asking a lot of “what if” questions, wishing you could go back and change things so they would turn out differently.
- Depression – The sadness and longing of depression is most commonly associated with grief. This pain can be very intense and come in waves over many months or years.
- Acceptance – Gradually, most people find that the pain eases, and it is possible to accept what has happened. You begin to learn to live again while keeping the memory of your loved one close.
The stages are often talked about as if they happen in order. However, this isn’t the case. Each person sets his or her own pace. There will be ups and downs, moments of relief followed by moments of anguish. C.S. Lewis said, “Grief turns out to be not a state but a process. Grief is like a winding road where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.”
As I write this, it is Mother’s Day. This is the third Mother’s Day without mine. Although the pain has faded over time, it is fresh again today. I miss her terribly and am reminded of what got me through as I walked through the early stages after her death. Matthew 5:4 which says “blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted…” was my solace. Through this Scripture, I believe that Jesus is implying that God cares deeply for everyone and hears all who call out to him. He will be with us during our darkest moments of sorrow. I certainly felt, and continue to feel, His presence as I mourn my mother’s death.
Consequently, I created the acronym below to illustrate the comfort and hope He brings amid the grief process.
G – Grace
R – Results
I – In
E – Enduring Hope
F – For Us
Grace is, “the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.” We can have consolation in the thought that God has showered His grace on our loved one and he/she is now in a peaceful place without any pain or sorrow. Through His loving grace, He will also help us to overcome our sorrow. It probably won’t be a quick process, but we will eventually be at peace with the situation. That doesn’t mean that grief won’t come knocking from time to time, but the pain will lessen, leaving us with cherished memories of our loved ones.
