Four years ago this week was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the worst day of my life. Someone very close to me died by suicide. Losing a loved one to suicide results in an unimaginable pain – one that brings a unique mix of grief, guilt, confusion and unanswered questions. The journey of healing is deeply personal and non-linear but know that you are not alone.
Here are some key strategies to help you navigate this difficult time.
- Allow Yourself to Grieve
Grief after suicide is complex and may include a mix of feelings such as sadness, anger, guilt or even relief if the person was struggling for a long time. All of these emotions are valid. There is no “right” way to grieve.
- Release the Burden of Guilt
Many survivors struggle with “What if?” thoughts – wondering if they could have done something differently. Know that suicide is rarely caused by a single event but rather a combination of factors, including mental health struggles. Blaming yourself won’t change the past, but forgiving yourself can help you move forward.
- Honor Your Loved One in a Meaningful Way
Rather than focusing solely on how your loved one died, find ways to celebrate his or her life such as:
- Creating a memorial, such as a scrapbook or a tree planting.
- Writing a letter to express what you never got to say.
- Supporting suicide prevention efforts in their honor.
- Take Care of Your Mental and Physical Health
Grief can take a big toll on your mind and body. Prioritize rest, self care, nutrition and movement.
- Prepare for Triggers and Difficult Days
Anniversaries, birthdays or unexpected reminders can bring waves of grief. Anticipate these moments and create a plan to deal with them.
- Accept That Healing Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It means carrying their memory in a way that brings comfort instead of pain. Healing is about learning to live with the loss while still embracing life.
- Know That Help Is Available
Grief can feel isolating. If you’re struggling, please reach out to others who can help!
Resources include:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) – Call or text 988 for 24/7 support.
- The American Foundation of Suicide Prevention (AFSP) – Provides tools, resources, information and events for those left behind (afsp.org).
- Mental Health or Grief Counselors
- Support Groups – Available locally or virtually. Check with AFSP, NAMI and churches that offer Grief Share.
- Lean into Faith and Spirituality
For many, faith is a source of comfort, strength and healing. If you have spiritual beliefs, consider turning to prayer, scripture or a faith-based community for guidance and support. If you’re struggling with spiritual questions related to your loss, talking to a trusted pastor, faith leader or counselor may help. My faith was the most pivotal element in helping me through my grief.
In conclusion, you are not alone in this journey. There is hope, healing and life after loss.
