Conversations with Your BFF: If Your Relationship is ‘Ordinary’ Can It Also Be Satisfying?


We’ve all been in the grocery store and as you search for the baby wipes, you see the rack with the latest women’s magazines. The titles of articles contained within Cosmo or Redbook glare at you with topics like ‘Ten Ways to Get the Passion Back in Your Relationship’ or ‘Can a Happy Relationship Be Found Today?’ and don’t get me started on the even more suggestive titles that cause you to blush as you take a bit too long to linger, debating whether to grab the magazine and duck down the pet food aisle and just see what you may not be doing right, if you know what I mean. Let’s face it, not many relationships, if any at all, live up to a writer’s take on a hot and spicy love life. But should you judge your relationship against a fantasy? I am so glad you asked!

There’s something to be said for what many might call ‘boring.’ Everyday life with kids in tow probably rates for most as ‘ordinary,’ but there’s nothing wrong with ‘ordinary.’ Not many men do, or can, afford to show up and whisk you away in a limo to a romantic getaway to Belize, but sometimes walking hand in hand through life’s worst of times proves to be much more romantic than a surprise of a lifetime. A man who is by your side when you say good-bye to a parent or the loss of your dog, who just lets you cry, holding you in silence is sexy. Sometimes you don’t need words; you just need a shoulder that doesn’t mind tears on it. Or you need that touch on your back as you drift off to sleep, with tears welling up in your eyes because you’ve had a bad day, reassuring you that no matter how you thought your day went, there’s one person who is so glad to have made it through another one with you. You may call that ‘ordinary’ or ‘boring,’ but I call it exceptional. And that support is reciprocal and appreciated by both, leading to an understanding that no matter what, you have each other’s backs. I’ll take that any day over a surprise trip to Bermuda…although I wouldn’t turn that down either.

As women, we like to know that our efforts to look our best on a night out are appreciated. Hearing ‘Baby, you look beautiful,’ goes a long way, but when you’re sitting on the couch, with your hair in a ponytail, in your oldest sweats from college and you hear, ‘You’re as breathtaking right now as you were the day I saw you walking down your driveway for our first date,’ and you know he’s sincere, well, ladies that’s something special. You may jump up and look in the mirror and wonder if your man may have issues with his new contacts, but you know when it comes from the heart.

I think anyone who has been in a long-term relationship, whether dating, domestic partner, or spouse, knows that we tend to focus on those ‘special’ days…the first date, your wedding day, a special anniversary, the birth of your child, buying your first house, but life isn’t about all those big moments, but rather lots of ones in between, the day to day. It’s those ‘boring’ ones, where the house seems to be in chaos with kids screaming, the dogs barking, the air conditioning not working, and nothing to make for dinner and you look at your partner and think, ‘There’s no one I’d rather be in this mess with than you.’ It comes down to perspective and what you are grateful for in the end. So, bask in the love you know is there – some days you feel it more than others –  but you know without a doubt that you are valued, loved, adored, and appreciated beyond any crazy article that Cosmo could ever convince you differently of…you know in your heart when a love is sincere. Stay with that love and go the distance…you’ll be so glad you did.


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