We’re taught our entire lives to share. From an early age, sharing is a lesson it seems we are bombarded with from our first toy and saying “mine!” as we take it from our sibling(s). The opposite of sharing is being selfish, right? Well, when you have a partner in life, whether that is a significant other or a spouse, is it a good idea to share all your financial funds from savings to checking accounts? And, if you don’t choose to co-mingle your funds, are you then being selfish? I am so glad you asked!
Whether it is through cohabitation or marriage, there comes a point in most serious, long-term relationships when we start talking about banks, checking and savings accounts and, down the road, retirement accounts. Two things are true for sure…life is complicated and money is messy! Researchers have found over decades of studies that arguing about money is the top predictor of whether or not a couple will get divorced, so making decisions together about money is a good idea.
Joint Or Separate Accounts
In dual-income couples, you don’t have to choose joint or separate accounts, you could try both!
After interviewing financial advisors, the easiest set-up for couples is to have a joint account that both fund to pay shared expenses like rent or mortgage and utilities; then, each partner can have separate accounts to pay for individual expenses. Both partners can share in the day-to-day needs of life while maintaining financial independence. A joint account requires transparency and mutual trust and shows a shared commitment towards a common goal.
In most relationships, either you or your partner has a higher income, so splitting expenses based on your income is more fair than dividing things up down the middle. Deciding on what is fair will take a bit of communication and some basic math skills for sure.
Saving For The Future, Either Together or Apart
There are many ways that individuals in a relationship differ and one of those is how to save for a rainy day. You and your significant other can have different goals and interests, but you can decide on certain items to tackle together like a vacation. When you are both on the same page in saving for something you both will enjoy and benefit from, you grow together as a couple. But, while you are saving for that new home renovation or trip, don’t neglect your 401(k) and make sure you both are contributing to those.
Never Give Anyone Too Much Control Over Your Finances
I have had many conversations with friends who decided with their spouses to take on the role of homemaker once they married or moved in together. They completely disregard any thought of money or dealing with it, which may work in the present, but down the road may not work out. A friend of mine had no idea when bills were due, how they were paid and never thought about having passwords to access accounts online. Unfortunately, her husband was tragically killed in a car accident and, along with her grief, she had to learn, during the worst time in her life, about the monthly bills all while continuing to raise her children without their dad. She never thought she would need to deal with bills because that was “his job,” but she quickly learned all that her husband did that she had no idea about. It is always good, even if you don’t consider dealing with money your area of expertise in a relationship, that you can continue on in life should the unthinkable happen. Whether or not you want to wade into the financial dimension of your relationship, you really should have knowledge of the everyday expenses, how to make payments and how to access online accounts. No matter how much you trust and love someone, remember you are your first priority, and never forget that fact!
