I used to think 20-somethings complaining about not being taken seriously at work or by others due to their young age was all talk. I assumed that their perceived lack of respect was a result of their own behaviors or choices and that their argument of ageism was somewhat overblown. While I still feel that way to some degree, as we all have control over how we show up professionally and how much effort we put forth into working hard to prove ourselves in a professional environment, I have discovered that many intangibles I have acquired as I have entered my early-to-mid 30s have unintentionally commanded slightly more respect from others in the workplace that I never expected.

If you work multiple jobs throughout your young adulthood, it is no secret that hard work pays off in more ways than just financially. You learn to become flexible, a team player, anticipate needs and have more overall grit and resilience than someone new to the working world. With age, your priorities become less about having fun and workplace gossip, which can often trip up 20-somethings (myself included). At 22, I thought it was cute to giggle with coworkers in front of customers and made excuses for my fluctuating professionalism based on my age and inexperience. Now, at 33, I understand that the last thing a busy manager or hungry customers want to see is a group of young employees standing around chatting while work can be done.

When I mention intangibles, of course work ethic is included; however, there are non-work-related skills and information I have gained that have helped me relate more easily to older and more established colleagues than someone freshly out of college. With more life experience, I’ve seen more places, improved conversational skills and gained perspective and wisdom to aid in carrying on conversations with people of all age groups and demographics that 24-year-old Amy would have been ill-equipped to carry. I’ve also learned through painful experiences how to set up stronger boundaries emotionally and socially in professional settings to ensure that I more aptly compartmentalize work and personal relationships. It was a harsh wake-up call when I was forced to come to the realization that most people in a professional setting are there to work and that workplace relationships I assumed were mutually deep or emotionally significant were often not as deep or significant to the other person. Although a painful lesson to learn, it is imperative to guard your heart and understand that your coworkers’ finances will (more often than not) trump any workplace friendships when the chips are down.

Although it’s tempting to gossip about your coworkers in most workplaces, my perspective on engaging in constant whining about work conditions has changed since my early-to-mid 20s. With time and experience, I realized that complaining and poisoning the well usually only spreads negativity and allows resentment to fester, which damages the social environment at work and can often backfire. My personal advice? If you are working in an environment where you feel the need to vent or complain that often to others, the likelihood of that environment suddenly changing from your complaints or feedback is slim and it is best to seek employment elsewhere for your mental health and for the mental health of your colleagues.

Confidence is something I never imagined I would gain, as I can be the queen of self doubt and social anxiety, but when I find myself no longer feeling incompetent or like an imposter in meetings or social events at work, or when I stop feeling the need to run everything by my supervisor before making a decision, I am surprised at my own growth. In turn, others sense my confidence and feel more comfortable relying on me or confiding in me about their own workplace struggles. While growing older and aging has its psychological downfalls and physical consequences, a few more smile lines are worth feeling a bit more revered among workplace peers.