On a bad day full of car problems, job issues, a relationship that had soured and financial issues, I spent the entire evening thinking about all the things I did not have. Feeling overwhelmed, I sat down at my computer and Googled “contentment: how to get it.” Unexpectedly, a quote from a Jewish theological text appeared: “Who is rich? One who rejoices in what he has.” At that moment, tears welled up in my eyes because I suddenly realized that I had always focused on all the things that were missing in my life, all the failed attempts and dreams which had not worked out. Reading this sentence was nothing less than an epiphany which became life changing in its implications. It seemed unbelievable that I could actually choose to be happy with the circumstances of my existence, be satisfied with what I had and who I was and thereby attain an inner peace and confidence derived from simply making myself the master of my fate.

For the next several months, I read the literature of positivity psychology. I needed a lot of help to reframe a constitutionally negative mindset; one which, since childhood, had been instilled in me by my dysfunctional family. Hypercritical parents had constantly told me that nothing I did was ever good enough (not even my appearance) and the cutting remark that the well regarded university I had gotten into “still wasn’t Harvard or Yale or another Ivy League.” What really clinched the change-yourself-mindset was when, while reading a biography of Benjamin Franklin, I came across his words “Who is rich? He that is content” – virtually the same words I had encountered earlier on the internet, hitting me again with a strong psychological whammy.   

My story is about metamorphosis and why it is so critical to stop yourself on the discontent treadmill and rewrite the narrative which can lead you to happiness, satisfaction and a sense of purpose. It is never too late to make that change. Following are a number of strategies, gleaned from my reading of positivity psychology texts that helped me learn how to change my destiny and be content in life.

1. Be grateful for things large and small – the beauty of nature, a young child’s hug, the song of a cardinal, an unexpected gift or compliment, a small goal attained or a story you wrote getting published. Sharing those happy experiences with others amplifies the positive emotions such that you are twice blessed. As country western singer Willie Nelson said: “As soon as I started counting my blessings, my life turned around.” Mine did, too.
2. Love yourself and believe you have a purpose – as we all do. The old axiom “to thine own self be true” should be written large in the temple of your imagination where it should reign supreme. It took me decades to have faith to pursue the path of being a writer because I listened to all the people who said that was a foolish notion. I didn’t listen to the wisdom of Eleanor Roosevelt’s statement to “never give anyone the power to diminish you” – until finally I did.
3. Keep your loved ones close. Having a good support system means everything in the world – one which can help you problem solve, manage stress and improve your self esteem.
4. Limit comparisons. There will always be someone richer or poorer, luckier or better looking. Look in the mirror and say that mantra everyday: “You’re amazing. There is no one like you in the world” and mean it. It took me years to forget a boyfriend’s hurtful comment that I’d be “prettier if I got my nose done.” I had the good sense to leave that relationship quickly and to make peace with the nose that God gave me which works well enough and which I now see as somewhat exotic.
5. Take care of your health and consider enrolling in meditation and/or yoga classes to keep your stress low and your mood positive. Spend time in nature which will nurture your heart and soul.
6. Let go of the past. Forgive yourself for previous mistakes and focus on the good that will come your way if you envision it.
7. Commit acts of kindness – regularly. Take the focus off of yourself and help others. A friend’s father on his deathbed told her “share, share everything.” It changed her life, and hearing that changed mine.

I drive an old car, have endless bills and plenty of worries. I also know that what I DO have – the love of friends and family, a great son, a (mostly) good dog, a job, a roof over my head, food in the fridge and religious faith is enough.