Frederick Law Olmsted, who traveled through the South before the Civil War, wrote extensively about the hospitality he encountered—a tradition that existed long before his time. He described Southerners as “free, generous, and open-hearted.” Having lived in the Triad for over eight years, I can say with certainty that Southern hospitality is not just real; it’s a way of life.
My first taste of it came during my very first week here, as a transplant from Berkeley, California. At a restaurant, a cheerful waitress kept returning to refill my son’s and my sodas, again and again. That endless soda pop refill seemed to perfectly embody Southern hospitality. I later read an article in Our State Magazine where a journalist from Philadelphia admitted he’d encourage people to “move to North Carolina for the free soda pop alone.”
As an informal, armchair journalist, I’ve spent countless hours interviewing people in the South, and I’ve never found hospitality lacking. People freely share their stories—both their tragedies and triumphs—open their homes and lives to strangers, and insist you eat plenty at their table. As that Philadelphia writer put it, “This is how people do here.”
Defining Southern Hospitality
How do we explain Southern hospitality to the rest of the country? The phrase typically describes a cultural stereotype of the South that highlights warmth, friendliness, and good manners. Southern values like gentility and kindness are as central to the region’s identity as sipping sweet tea on a hot afternoon.
Being polite isn’t optional—it’s ingrained. Using “sir” and “ma’am” when addressing elders, saying “please” and “thank you” instinctively, and treating others with kindness are fundamental. Another thing I noticed early on was just how chatty people are. My first week in a Winston-Salem supermarket, no fewer than six strangers struck up conversations. One man asked me how to pick the best avocado, a woman wanted to know where I got my hair done, and when I accidentally dropped a dozen eggs, several shoppers rushed over, saying, “Bless your heart!” as they helped me clean up.
The Pillars of True Southern Hospitality
A November 2023 Southern Living Magazine article by Michelle Darrisaw outlined six defining traits of Southern hospitality:
- Politeness – Taught from a young age, good manners carry into adulthood.
- Good home cooking – Think warm peach cobbler, Hummingbird Cake, smothered chicken, and collard greens.
- Kindness – “There are no strangers, just friends we haven’t met yet.”
- Helpfulness – Lending a hand is second nature.
- Charm – Wit, consideration, and effortless kindness define Southern interactions.
- Charity – Acts of generosity are given freely, without expectation of reciprocation.
The Other Side of Southern Hospitality
However, as author David Denby once noted, “Graciousness is both armor and a weapon.” Southern hospitality comes with its own set of unspoken rules. Show up empty-handed to a dinner or party? That’s a faux pas. Forget to write a thank-you note? Unforgivable. Table manners, punctuality, and being a gracious host aren’t just encouraged—they’re expected. In the South, good manners are everything, and y’all better believe people take them seriously.
Some say this hospitality is rooted in a love for theatricality. Southerners adore the devil in the details and relish a good story—often with a bit of embellishment. As author Karin Slaughter put it, “Even when you read a police report, there’s some backstory.”
Ultimately, being “Southern” is as much a state of mind as it is a geographical distinction. Just the other day, I spotted a bumper sticker that read, Keep calm and get your hospitality on. If you ask me, that sentiment couldn’t be more true.
