Throughout our lives, family can be a source of love and support, but also one of the most complicated places you can be to maintain healthy boundaries. When you are brave enough to speak the truth about being hurt, and instead of accountability, you’re met with deflection and accusations of “creating drama,” it can leave you questioning your own reality. But, “how can you confront family and not have them play the victim card?” I am so glad you asked!
Resolution Isn’t What They Want…It Is Control!
If you have a family member who consistently plays the victim, their goal is not to solve the problem and have peace in the family; they want to control the narrative. The moment you try and discuss how they have hurt you, they get defensive and start blame-shifting. Don’t fall prey to this manipulation. Stand your ground and know the truth is on your side.
How Did I Become the Villain?
When you are finally strong enough to express how you have been hurt and you hear, “I can’t believe how you are treating me!” Being honest becomes an attack in their eyes. Remember, that holding someone accountable isn’t an act of cruelty, is a form of self-respect.
To Them It Is Drama, But To You, It Is Truth!
Truth has a way of upsetting the apple cart; disturbing what’s been comfortably ignored. All that stuff swept under the rug eventually becomes a big lump to trip you. When you speak honesty and truth, you threaten the story that your family member has built about themselves. To discredit you, they call you “dramatic” or “overly sensitive.” Stay the course because truth is never drama, it brings clarity to a situation.
Truth Will Never Require Someone’s Approval
I have definitely been in this situation. A hard part of speaking up is knowing the person may never admit you’re right. They rewrite history and say what you remember isn’t the way things happened. It is hard, but let go of the need for them to approve your truth. Reality isn’t validated by what another person believes. You know how you were hurt.
Their Comfort Isn’t Your Responsibility
When you are trying to heal from a family member who has hurt you, sometimes you need space, to set boundaries and to say those things that others may not want to hear. Just remember that you shouldn’t soften your approach to the truth and the hurt you’ve experienced to make them comfortable. That is how they got how they are…everyone walking to eggshells, trying to make things okay and dismissing the hurt they have caused.
No matter what anyone says, you aren’t cruel for naming what was done to you to cause you pain. You are not dramatic for wanting resolution, and you aren’t responsible for the family member’s reaction. Truth leads to peace, so never apologize for moving through pain toward peace.
