Life is a constant journey of growth, self-discovery and learning. Along the way, I’ve discussed with my BFF lessons that completely changed or shifted my perspective, making me more at peace with myself and the world around me. These five realizations, in particular, transformed how I navigate relationships, set boundaries and protect my energy. So, what are those five lessons? I am so glad you asked.
You Can’t Control Someone Else’s Negative Behavior
For a long time, I believed that, if I tried hard enough, I could change or influence how others treated me. The truth is, people will act how they choose to, regardless of how much kindness or patience you extend. I had a sister-in-law, operative word is “had” who, no matter what I did, she treated me poorly. I couldn’t do anything right in her eyes, and one day I went to my ex-mother-in-law and just said, “I have no idea what I’ve done or how to fix things with….” My mother-in-law said, “The only thing within your control is how you react to her. Letting go of the need to ‘fix’ her negativity will feel like a weight is off your shoulders. Don’t take her actions personally; at the root of her behavior is jealousy and seeing in you things she wished she saw in herself.” That advice freed me up, and I no longer take anyone’s actions personally, and I no longer waste my energy trying to change what isn’t mine to change. On a side note, the only thing I miss about being married are my in-laws…there were good people; the rest of the family, not so much!
It’s Okay If Someone Doesn’t Like You
Not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. This can take a long time to accept, as it did me, but once you do get a grip on this fact, it is very liberating. I no longer feel the need to prove myself or seek validation from those who don’t appreciate me for who I truly am. You aren’t meant for everyone, so pick your “tribe” carefully, and focus your energy on them.
There Are People Who Truly Value Your Company and Others Who Value What You Can Do for Them…Know the Difference
Some people appreciate you for your presence, your energy and who you are as a person. Others, however, keep you around only for their benefit – whether it’s for favors, support or opportunities you provide. Recognizing the difference has been eye-opening and has helped me to set clearer boundaries with people.
Respect Your Own Boundaries By Not Oversharing
Not everyone deserves access to your innermost thoughts, struggles or personal experiences. I used to think that being open and vulnerable with people would deepen our connections, but I’ve learned that some individuals use what you share against you. Protecting my personal stories and only confiding in those I trust has helped me maintain emotional well being and avoid unnecessary hurt.
People Who Are Cruel and Mean to Others Are Unhappy with Themselves
It is easy to take rude or hurtful behavior personally, but I’ve realized that those who go out of their way to be unkind are often battling their own inner turmoil. Happy, confident people don’t feel the need to tear others down like my ex sister-in-law. To be as resentful and miserable as she was to me for 30 years, there was something seriously missing in her because happy people seek happiness with those around them, not misery.
These five lessons have helped me and my BFF reshape how we approach life and relationships. They have given us the power to let go of what doesn’t serve us, focus on genuine connections and set boundaries that protect our peace. If you are on a similar journey, I hope these realizations can help you find the clarity and freedom you deserve.
