Along with the loss of a loved one, going through a divorce ranks as one of the most devastating events in one’s life. From the initial separation, to the actual division of property, to child custody, pick ups and drop offs of the kids at your ex’s, the whole process is awful. With each day, you want to feel like you are progressing, and you wonder, “how long does it take to get over my divorce?” I am so glad you asked!

Have Faith That Better Days Are Ahead

With my divorce in the rearview mirror for several years, I remember there being times when I couldn’t imagine ever feeling better, like I was whole again. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. When I thought I saw a light, it turned out it was on the front of a train of pain headed right at me. I felt no clear direction in my life; just spinning my wheels. But, looking back, even on those days, I told myself to keep the faith and that I had gotten this far, so today would be manageable. 

Don’t Be Too Hard On Yourself

There will come a day when you start to beat yourself up and say, “why did I stay so long?,” “I made a bad choice in my spouse” and “how could I be so naive to think after marriage, he would change?” In order to fully heal and move on from your divorce, you need to forgive yourself for whatever part you feel you played in the relationship ending. Sometimes we think we see potential in people that really isn’t there, and that’s not a bad thing because we all hope people, through time, will choose to better themselves. So, don’t be so hard on yourself.

The World Isn’t Full Of People Like Your Ex

When you look at your life as a whole, you realize the world is full of more people who give you joy and enhance your life than those who have caused you pain. You need to set your ex aside mentally and move forward with the lesson that you deserve better in whatever the next chapter is in life.

Wallowing In Your Pain Gets You Nowhere

Grieving, in any form, can become a way of life. We get so used to wallowing in our loss and our pain that we get caught in a cycle of pain. You can grieve your loss, but you also have to give yourself permission to enjoy life, to remove negative people from your life, to start over and to break the cycle of suffering. No matter how long you grieve, it’s not going to change the outcome. You have a new chapter in life that you need to write.

You’re at a point in your life that you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission to live the life that you want, and you don’t have to stay anywhere you don’t feel valued, worthy or loved. You only get one chance at this life, so don’t waste more time than you need stuck in the past when there’s so much more ahead of you!