These days, most of us don’t live in Mayberry; tapping on the neighbor’s door when you need a cup of sugar or a baseball comes over the fence and the kid next door comes, hat in hand, to apologize for the inconvenience, isn’t going to happen. With subdivisions popping up everywhere, when you are looking for a house, you usually fall in love with the house and the location, often before you get a taste of the neighbors. So, once you get settled in and you meet the neighbors, do you have to be friends with them? I am so glad you asked!
It’s probably best not to set your expectations too high in the “get along” department. There are certain types of neighbors out there, and I’m pretty sure one of them lives next to you.
The “Stay to Themselves” Neighbors
These neighbors are the ones who never ever participate in the neighborhood gatherings. You reach out again and again, but you either never hear from them or they just ignore any attempt to communicate and include them. After you give it the old college try, step away and don’t bother your neighbors; consider the ball in your neighbor’s court to make a connection. Enjoy the neighbors who want to make friends, and set aside those who really don’t care.
The “Something is Seriously Off” Neighbors
Some people just give you a weird vibe when you meet them, and that uneasiness is always present when they’re around. I’ve found, in almost every circumstance, to trust your gut! There are neighbors who are nice enough, but there are some red flags you might notice, like anger issues or family arguments that you overhear. You can be a good neighbor and wave as you pull in the driveway, but I wouldn’t get overly involved in this neighbor’s life.
The “Clueless to Boundaries” Neighbors
No matter where you are in your yard, this is the neighbor who just kind of turns up out of the blue, wanting to talk. You’re in the middle of washing your car and there they are! While on your back porch, reading a book, you hear, “Hi Neighbor!” There’s no escaping them; they seem to have radar and you are on it. Chances are your neighbor is unaware that their behavior is intrusive. Try a subtle alert to let them know they aren’t welcome anytime they can see you. For example, if the neighbor walks over when you are reading your book, while having a glass of wine, you could gently say how much you enjoy your “me” time – with a busy life, it’s nice having time to yourself. It may take a few times, but hopefully, they’ll pick up on the hints.
The “Difficult” Neighbors
The word “difficult” can mean several things with neighbors. Difficult neighbors can be those who have late night parties with loud music to those who let their dog do its business in your yard and never clean it up. These neighbors are only focused on their lives and really don’t care how their actions affect your life. I say give this neighbor the benefit of the doubt, hoping that they really don’t want to be “that” neighbor that everyone hates. If you confront your neighbor, be prepared for the conversation to go either way…they may apologize or be indifferent. Role with the outcome, and gauge your future interactions with them accordingly.
In a perfect world, our neighbors would be as considerate as we are, but if they leave a lot to desire in the wanting-to-be-friends department, remember, there are others in your neighborhood who probably haven’t hit the neighbor jackpot, so seek them out and spend time with them. Just don’t let a neighbor ruin the house you’ve chosen to become your home.
