In January, I was fortunate enough to have been given an amazing new job opportunity with an ideal remote setup for someone like myself. I had already been working in the legal industry full time since 2019, but my role was largely based in writing and research. I have been working from home since 2020, which was always a dream of mine, and my new job opportunity at a different law firm also allows me the luxury of working remotely. With better pay, I have been able to breathe a bit more, but I don’t believe I was prepared for the challenge of transitioning from a writing-based role where I was comfortable and had gained seven years of experience and social rapport to an accounting-based role where I am a small fish in a big pond of coworkers who already know the ropes.
Starting a new career path in your mid-30s is exciting but nothing short of intimidating. With thorough training and patient colleagues, I am gradually getting the hang of things and couldn’t feel more fortunate to have been given a chance in a new field at such a great company. However, these first few months have been psychologically challenging in ways I didn’t fully anticipate. I expected to be a bit nervous, feel a smidge of imposter syndrome and feel less confident in the beginning, but what I have found most frustrating is the pressure I put on myself to learn more quickly than anyone has truly asked me to learn.
As someone who struggles with perfectionism and cares too much about what others think, a large majority of the anxiety this career transition has conjured up is self inflicted. While some could say my anxiety is healthy motivation, others could say I am headed for burnout if I don’t stop expecting my capabilities to match those with 10+ years of experience in the field.
Having worked multiple jobs in multiple fields since I was in college, I know growing pains are par for the course of any new career. I even went through a brief period of feeling inadequate when I moved to the Wilmington area and began working at a restaurant last year on nights and weekends with people much younger than myself, but with years of experience in the food service industry. My writing and research-wired brain didn’t process the flow of a restaurant in the same way as those who had worked in multiple restaurants throughout their lives. I was completely out of my element, but I eventually excelled and learned to enjoy myself more than I initially expected.
As a newer employee in my current profession, I find myself frequently asking for help or asking questions (as expected), which takes a toll on my self esteem. I long for the days when I am finally able to work a full day without having to interrupt one of my coworkers for a quick question, in addition to the days when I can hear the Microsoft Outlook email notification without panicking a little each time an email makes it to my inbox. I’m proud of myself for pushing through and working hard to excel at whatever pace excelling is possible as a newcomer, but I would be lying if I said my identity hasn’t been lightly shaken in the process.
If this were occurring in my early 20s, I would be crying on the phone with my parents, convinced that I was never going to make it through and that I would feel clueless forever. While I’m not thrilled with the fine lines and slight knee pain my mid-30s are currently gracing me with, I am grateful for the perspective I now have that I lacked when I was younger and joint pain-free. I’ve seen this exact scenario play out before. I’ve overcome job obstacles numerous times and have faith that this too shall pass. One day, months from now, I’ll be working away and will suddenly realize that I’m no longer a nervous wreck. The anxiety will subside. I’ll feel more secure. Not every email will raise my blood pressure. I’ll have added another set of tools to my toolkit, and my confidence will have increased as a result. Until then, I’ll take the job one day at a time.
