After my husband and I welcomed our first child and fought our way out of the newborn trenches (all while surviving a global pandemic), there was a new narrative with which I was greeted. Despite all of my behind-the-scenes glimpses into motherhood shared by my sister and friends, I was somehow unprepared for it.
It was simple, yet a little disarming; “you should really find a hobby.”
My brows would pinch together every time someone said this to me in conversation or I came across a TikTok video sharing the same sentiment.
Make time for yourself.
Find something just for you.
Get back in touch with your identity.
What is this “time” of which they speak? Does the 20-minute mindless scrolling break that I take post shower with my towel on my head sprawled across my bed not count? And, what if I don’t want to get “back in touch” with my identity and instead embrace this new one? She’s pretty cool minus the dark undereye circles and Mrs. Rachel playing on blast in the car.
The Assumption
Here’s the thing; I had hobbies before I became a mom. I mean wild, crazy things like thrifting and crafting and going on bakery crawls in search of the best locally made croissants. I still loved those things as a new mom, but why didn’t the world understand that my current favorite hobby was getting time to myself to watch “Gilmore Girls” for the 20th time? Whenever a mother hears “you should get a hobby,” it’s like the world is telling her she can’t possibly be fulfilled with what her time is currently being spent doing, be it our parenting, homes or careers. I think a lot of us get defensive and feel like we’re either “beyond” hobbies or simply can’t imagine having the time or energy to spend on them – let alone desire to.
The Reality
Whatever season of motherhood we find ourselves in, there are parts of us that crave connection to the things we love – beyond our work and family. What if it’s really our partners, friends and random TikTok creators reminding us that we’re allowed to have frivolous fun in whatever way, shape or form we want? Maybe there’s a hobby you want to revisit or try out something new? Maybe it’s something solo you can stay up late doing when the little ones are asleep or a weekly hobby you do with friends? The reality is, embracing a hobby could actually be rejuvenating in ways you didn’t realize.
The Truth
It wasn’t until last April when my husband picked me up a trending little fantasy novel called A Court of Thorns and Roses, that my “I don’t need a hobby” eyes were opened. I used to read voraciously in college, and I barely read anything anymore. He surprised me with the book on a Friday, and by the following Friday, I had devoured the entire series – five novels to be exact. The next week, I picked up two more reads; a month later I bought a Kindle; six months in, I joined a romance book club; and by December, I had read 119 books.
And here’s what I learned:
Hobbies give us a sense of self. Suddenly, there was this thing I loved doing that was only for me. It wasn’t out of obligation for work or service to my amazing family. I hadn’t realized how important it was to have something that lit me up and made me feel connected to my younger, more carefree self.
Hobbies provide a form of self care. I love a spa treatment as much as the next girl, but finding a hobby that allows my mind to pause and let go is a game changer. We need that feeling of being refueled mentally and creatively.
Hobbies allow us to share our interests. When you dive into what you love doing, you’ll find others who share that love. Connecting with fellow readers has been amazing and even increased my social calendar. Even the opportunity to share your hobby with your children and have them see that Mommy is doing something for herself is so important.
Whether it’s grabbing a glue gun, baking every Pinterest receipt under the sun or joining a spicy book club like me, I hope you give yourself permission to carve out time to find something you love that’s just for you.
