If you are anything like my BFF and me, you spend way too much time worrying about what others think of you and how you can change others’ opinions of you. I think it is just genetic for us to focus on how we are perceived or seen by our peers and even those we have little to no interaction with in life. But, are there specific steps you can take to be able to care less about what others think of you? I am so glad you asked!
Treatment of You is Often a Reflection of How Others See Themselves
You might have to read that title a couple of times to get it to settle in your mind. I have spent years, even decades, worrying about what others think of me. I drove myself into therapy over a former family member who was determined to not like me and, dare I say, hate me. I went above and beyond to connect with this person, reached out to include them in my life, volunteered to do things to help with their life and nothing ever worked. I went to other family members and said, “What do I need to do that I haven’t done?” Unfortunately, no one saw it as an issue other than me, but when I had to be around this person, I was so anxious that it made me sick. After talking to a therapist, I realized that the way this person treated me was more about their own insecurities than it was about me. This person saw traits in me that they didn’t have, so the only way to find peace was to not like me and go above and beyond in disliking me. It never really was about me, it was about their own inability to deal with their shortcomings.
Stop Checking Social Media to See Who is Following You and Interested in Your Life
We spend a lot of time on social media checking up on our acquaintances, what they are doing and if they are following what we are up to. I remember seeing that a Facebook friend had unfriended me, and I took it so personally. What had I done to warrant that move? I did some serious evaluation on the importance of peripheral people in my life and realized that I needed to spend more time on those people whom I know cared about me and who I deeply care about. I was placing far too much importance on people who really had no connection to my everyday life.
Be Careful Where You Get Your Advice
A few years ago, I was known for getting far too many opinions on decisions I needed to make. I asked people whom I had very little in common with about their thoughts on specific topics. If we didn’t share a similar set of beliefs, then why would I ask them for their thoughts on a possible life changing decision? I had to remind myself to be more selective about whose input I valued and not to give attention to unsolicited advice from people who don’t have to carry the consequences of my decisions. I’m the only person responsible for my decisions and the fallout from those decisions.
Stop Correcting What Others Think
I finally reached the age where I stopped correcting what everyone thought they knew of me from other sources and let people who wanted to know and understand me come directly to me. If you want to get to know what makes someone tick, go directly to them and not another source. People have agendas, and you can only get to know someone from them, no one else!
